If everybody looked the same, we'd get tired of looking at each other...

I'm looking so sexy at the moment. Soooo pretty.

I've lost 16lbs now so feeling pretty good. Things were going well. Something had to fuck it up, didn't it? So I smashed my face off the bathroom floor and now I'm accessorising my new slimmer look with a scabby bruised nose and the fattest lip I've ever seen. How depressing.

I ran out of pills this month so, with hardcore period pain a distant memory and still no boyfriend, I thought a month off would be fine. Until this morning when I woke up in agony with cramp... spent half an hour in the bathroom, couldn't get up because it hurt too much to straighten my body and I felt too dizzy. Here's the really attractive bit - I fainted on the toilet. Niiice. I'd like to have seen that on film. I fell face first onto the tiles, came round a few seconds later wondering who was crying, realised it was me and thought I'd woken up in bed having a dream, opened my eyes and saw the floor and the blood and felt the pain and...yeah. I look horrific. I look like a battered wife. People are going to ask me what happened and I'll tell them and they'll think I just can't admit the truth. People will feel sorry for me and give me leaflets for women's refuges and things. I wish I'd been drunk then I could've made it into a hilarious story but as it is... I can't even laugh because it hurts too much.

I can't believe this has happened. As long as I live, I'll never come off the pill again. Well, as long as I menstruate anyway. So it looks like I won't be having kids. Oh well.