The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers

In the spirit of my new improved more active life, I bought a trampoline. A small, aerobic trampoline. The following instructions are a sample of what the manufacturer's believed to be vital information that should be passed on to the potentially over-enthusiastic new owner:

1. No somersaulting

Yeah. Because that's likely.

2. No jumping under the influence of alcohol or with cigarettes

I'll remember that next time I come home drunk and it seems like a realllly hilarious idea to jump on a trampoline.

3. No jumping in the dark
4. It is not to be used as a takeoff trampoine
5. No jumping onto the trampoline from other objects

They're trying to take all the fun out of this, aren't they?

But my favourite is...

6. It is forbidden to linger under the trampoline

Even when I've had my trampoline for a few months and have slimmed down to a size 10, I will not be able to fit under the trampoline. My cat is too big to fit under it. Even if I was under it, it is extremely unlikely that I would be lingering around long enough for someone to unknowingly start jumping on it and consequently causing an injury.

So there you have it. All these rules are almost enough to make me give in and adopt the trampoline as a footrest but I am a new me. I am an active person now. I exercise. As soon as This Morning is finished, I'll get off my arse and start bouncing.